No Excuses

Lord only knows what is going on at the moment. I’m training like some kind of crazy beast again whilst also trying to sort my life out. Thankfully, I am still on plenty of carbs otherwise this could all be so much worse and I would most definitely be crying over someone watching the TV, running out of chicken or just spontaneously for no apparent reason. All of that fun is still to come. As for now…well, today I was offered a job as a personal trainer in the gym that I train at in Brighton. Splendid. However, I find myself in a predicament - how do I afford to live away from home before my business gets up and running?? Do I prolong starting until after finals? Do I stay at home to be close to coach J Bird (he loves that nickname…)? Or do I just say ‘f*** it’ and go hell for leather, making the big leap of faith and attempting to start a business, train for the finals and earn enough to cover rent in somewhere that has an actual roof - not one made from cardboard. Decisions, decisions, decisions. As you all know by now, I like to make life hard for myself so this will probably be no exception - why not set up a business 6 weeks out of a national competition? Pssshhh…easy….

As for the training, well it’s been going pretty damn well. My quads are screaming bloody murder at me today after the little bro screamed bloody murder at me on the hack squat yesterday. Once again, I was reduced to tears due to the sheer pain and trauma of it all. Oh, and that was a superset with 50 walking lunges…you know, just because it wasn’t difficult enough already. It has been great training at Gold’s for the past week - I have a new training and food regime courtesy of John which is brilliant, there’s nothing worse than things getting stale. This evening I did another long HIIT session. I’m going to hold up my hands and admit: I HATE THEM. I HATE HIIT. It is the devil, it hurts and I want to break all cardio machines into a million pieces. There, I said it. So don’t feel like you’re the only one hating cardio, I do too but unfortunately it’s one of those things that has to be done. Once again, pure will power saw me through those 45 minutes. Pure determination and my old friend, visualisation. 

This time next week I will be backstage at the show possible wetting myself due to a mixture of nerves, excitement and anticipation. I can’t believe how quickly the time has flown by and I’m sure this week will do just the same.

This mornings workout was a challenge to say the least. I no longer am taking a pre-workout supplement which really doesn’t help matters and there’s just something about booty day that makes me want to spew my guts up in all 4 corners of the gym. Luckily, I did not…but it was a close call. I have never gone so low in squats in my life, my arse pretty much touched the floor and after 80 of those I was pretty much done in. I also nearly cried when someone was using the cable machine when I wanted to use it in my tri-set - now that’s just not normal! But hey, we got through it and I live to tell the tale.

The only way I can describe how I feel right now is that my body is saying NO. I feel like my body is shutting down, like I’m running on empty and it’s telling me it can’t handle anymore. I’m exhausted mentally and physically and I’m in a constant state of hunger. I snapped at the poor checkout guy in sainsburys as he wanted to ID me for paracetemol (ARE YOU KIDDING ME, I’M 22 YEARS OLD FOR GODS SAKE). However, whilst I feel like absolute balls, I know that I only have 1 week left and backing down is not an option. I refuse to let this thing beat me, I will carry on and rise above it. You see, the mind is a powerful thing. The strong mind will beat the strong body any day…it is when you are weak up in the nogin that things go pear shaped. So no matter how shity I feel, I will not let it beat me. I have found myself using the powerful tool of visualisation recently. I visualise what I want, why I am doing this and how I want to look on that stage next weekend. I visualise winning, I visualise being the best up there and backing down now will absolutely not make that visualisation a reality. This is it.

A little extra side note: the other night I dreamt that I was in Tesco, bought a pizza the size of a truck tyre, somehow managed to cook it in the shop then proceed to fold it in half, then half again, then devoured it like a savage beast.

What is going on with my subconscious!?